Daily Photo – Farm Field on the Outskirts of Tai Tapu

In Tai Tapu I called into a place called The Store, as I needed to use a bathroom. All the promotional advertisements outside promised a wonderful dining, coffee and shopping experience, so I assumed a place such as this would have the bathroom facilities I desired. Suddenly feeling an immense pressure in my bladder, ready to explode like the Clyde Dam spillway, I casually walked inside and immediately scanned the room for a sign indicating a bathroom.

As I quickly surveyed the room, not instantly seeing anything that resembled a bathroom sign, I became aware that about two dozen people all seemed to be staring at me, while a guy on an electric piano played New York State of Mind by Billy Joel. Clearly, I had walked into an afternoon music session, and the guest performer had been placed right on the edge of the dining room, within two or three metres of the front door. This meant that anyone entering the establishment like myself at this very minute immediately found themselves sharing centre stage with the afternoon’s entertainment. Feeling startled, and aware that everyone was now looking at me and not the talented guy on the piano, I did my best to casually stroll to the far side of the room, all the while trying not to knock anything over, ignore the steadily building pressure in my bladder, and desperately locate something that might resemble a bathroom. By sheer luck, I made it to the service counter, where a kind lady gave me a sympathetic smile and pointed towards an alcove at the far end of the room beside a patio. Above it was the word “Bathroom”, the doorway partially blocked by a family who were happily seated, swaying with their eyes closed in an impressive display of rhythmic timing.

Faced with an obstacle course between myself and relief, I spent the next few nanoseconds apologising as people shuffled their chairs to make way. At last, just as Moses parted the Red Sea, all the chairs suddenly moved aside and I had an unobstructed avenue to the bathroom. I was inside within seconds, and a very nice bathroom it was too. I was impressed, to say the least.

I emerged with a spring in my step and quietly exited via a side door I had not noticed. It opened onto the patio and into the car park. Feeling relaxed and once again at ease with the world, I climbed into my car and noticed a chalkboard sign that, due to my impressive display of angle parking, I had missed on arrival. It read, “Concert in progress. Please enter via the patio.” I left Tai Tapu in a sheepish frame of mind.